“May the Force Be With You”
Five years ago, this week I walked out of the job I had into an uncertain future. The geek in me is pleased to say that it was on May the fourth. I loved the work I had been doing, but the atmosphere of bullying and harassment had taken its toll on me. To be honest, I had almost left several times, but had always talked myself out of it. Worrying about paying bills and having health insurance coverage kept me there longer than I should have been. This time however, I heard myself say the words ‘I have to go” and felt my body get up and move to the door. No time to think about it, no time to change my mind.
“You must unlearn what you have learned”
In the first year, I took the time to decompress from that work situation. I couldn’t drive past the place without having a feeling of dread and being sick to my stomach. When I went back a couple of months later to collect the few things that I had left there, I did so at the end of the day when I knew that everyone except my former boss would be gone. Even though I missed some of the people that I had worked with, I just couldn’t face the thought of seeing anyone from there.
“Pass on what you have learned”
During this time, I volunteered at a health and wellness business, helping in any way I could, and sat in on consultations. I loved meeting the clients and seeing the changes they were making in their lives. Of course, my husband Ray was going through the program at the time, but after the first couple of sessions, I stopped going in for his consults. It was his time to sort through his own “stuff” and to make progress, sometimes you must go to a “scary place”.
“The greatest teacher, failure is”
Over the course of the next year, Ray and I became franchise owners in Riverview. I loved working with my clients, and it brought me great joy. We made the decision that we had to close after having the business for a year and a half . It was a difficult time, but we knew we were doing the right thing.
“Do or do not. There is no try”
The challenges of going through the covid-19 situation has brought some of those feelings forward to me again. The things I “should” be doing, the lack of energy and focus. How “everyone” is doing “everything” better than I am.
I am still trying to find a balance in all that I do, and again the words of the prophet Yoda ring in my ears, “Do or do not, there is no try”. And when Luke says to him that he does not believe what he has just seen, Yoda replies “and that is why you fail”.
Yoda appears to the older Luke and admonishes him for not having learned the lessons from the past. That Luke is still not “where he is” but looking to the future or the past. Isn’t that the truth? Staying in the moment, appreciating where we are right now is the gift of the present. The gift of presence.
I share with you the lessons that I need to hear. I hope that my words help you to see that you are not alone in your struggles and your joys. Trust that you know in your heart of hearts what you are meant to do and that you find your bliss on the other side of fear.